Dealing with Envy.
Do you ever find yourself in complete TURMOIL inside, while unable to move and get things done on the outside? That’s me this ENTIRE MONTH.
I feel like on the outside, I look insanely put together, motivated, positive and creative. While I am all of those things sometimes, I am, more often than not, completely stuck and frustrated.
The thoughts that are going through my head during times like this are usually, “Why am I so behind? Why don’t I work harder? Why don’t I work as hard as that person does? How do they have so much energy? I’m not as fun as that person. My instagram isn’t as put together as that one. I wish I had that kind of confidence.” I could fill up this entire blog with comparative thoughts that I have about OTHER PEOPLE on a daily basis. It is a habit and a deeply dug pit that takes a lot of effort to get back out of once I’ve dug myself in.
Most of the time when these thoughts come up, I am aware and I put in the effort to tell my wandering mind that I am on my own journey and I need to stay in my own lane. But other times it spirals into binge sessions of looking at the success of others, studying what they’re doing right and criticizing myself for what I’m doing wrong. This in turn makes me feel like crap, so I’ll eat something that I know will make me feel better in the moment but only increase the crap like feeling later on. From there the binge watching of Netflix occurs, I don’t do anything productive for the rest of the day and then I feel even more behind because I have mentally checked out instead of moving forward.
Does this sound familiar to you? Maybe with a business, a fitness journey, a work project, organizing your house, keeping up a social life? Do you look at other people and set goals for yourself based on what THEY are doing? I do.
So, what takes me out of this dark, envious, negative pit of misery? Ironically, hearing someone else’s perspective helps a lot. A few months ago when I was feeling overwhelmed as I do now and I could not figure out how to make my virtual classes sound clear and consistent from week to week (you all may remember this if you were taking classes with me!). All I saw on the internet was these big companies with their flashy video and high quality sound and thousands of clients and it was completely overwhelming. People said to me, “You work in film, this is easy for you, right?” . Well…. yes I know how to work a camera and edit video, but in this live virtual class endeavor, I am ONE person who cannot hold a camera, adjust lighting and sound levels, make sure my livestream stays connected AND stand in front of the camera to teach a class. I just can’t. What I DID was research the equipment that could do the work for me, invest in quality products and learn how to use them effectively in my classes in a way that worked for me, by myself. To me, this wasn’t a perfect solution, but it’s what I could do.
Around this same time, I was sitting on the couch with a concentrated look on my face sending out another post class recording and feeling like once again it wasn’t as good as it could have been. My boyfriend asked me what was wrong and I went on a rant about how nothing I ever do is good enough and I don’t know why people come back to my classes (the typical dramatic and un true critical default statements). He said something SO SIMPLE that completely turned my entire night and rest of the month around. He asked me if I was aware of how much progress I had made since I first started teaching 4 years ago. What did It look like if I pictured myself 4 years ago passing my POP Pilates video evaluation, hitting the ground running and arriving at where I am now? The difference is enormous. When I compare myself to MYSELF, I am able to see the growth and the positivity. When I compare myself to other people, I am trying to fit my puzzle piece into theirs and FYI… we are not all the same puzzle piece.
That person you are enviously following and secretly hating because they are so “successful” Has their own bucket full of insecurities, self criticism and struggles. Stop putting people on pedestals and acting like they have it all together because their instagram page looks perfectly color coordinated.
This change of perspective does not always magically fix all envious problems. It is hard to shift your vision and look inward instead of at everyone else. Choosing to look at your own growth is actually the harder choice (for me anyway).
Take a second today or this week or this month to stop looking around you. What are you doing right now with your life? Does it feel fulfilling? Does it feel like enough? The answer may be an immediate, “No, I can do much better and I need to work harder”. Great. It is good to have ambition and a drive to keep growing. BUT. Now take a journey to the you that was here 5 years ago. How far have you come?